From my research and observation, most marital problems occur in relationships that are built on unrealistic expectations. Playing the blaming game and taking each other for granted are also big factors in causing marital breakdowns.
Remember the times when you were courting each other? How fascinated you were with your beloved on that first date? How your heart skipped a beat when our beloved is near. How elated you felt when you first held each other’s hands. And the sparkle in your eyes when he asked you out again. How often you waited for the phone to ring hoping it was him?
There is no doubt that there is enormous excitement during the courtship period. Then one day, you got married. And the romance died...
Does romance always end with marriage?
Of course not! In fact, romance should start with marriage. According to Zig Ziglar, one of the most sought after motivational speakers, he explained it this way...
It all boils down to our “marriage attitude.” He says, "Any marriage tends towards breakdown or will disintegrate unless we put in time, energy and effort into sustaining it. Also, marital problems are so prevalent because we commit a series of actions that kill the joy and love we once enjoyed."
If we think about it, what he said hits the nail on its head! So no matter how good the marriage is, we will have marital problems if we do not consciously make an effort to make it better or if we have bad habits.
How To Save The Marriage?
If we recognize that we have a problem and want to save our relationships, we can start over by adopting a positive marriage attitude. As Ziglar explained, "Marriage is not a fence to hem you in; its a guardrail to protect what is inside." Its like when we went to climb Mount Kinabalu in East Malaysia. There were beautiful scenic views at very high and rocky areas in the mountain. And because it is very dangerous at the edge of these areas, guardrails were built to protect us from falling off.
Isn’t it very much like marriage?
It is designed not to place restrictions on us but to safe guard us.
According to Dr George Crane, the psychologist and physician - no matter how good or bad our relationships are, we sometimes have to...
‘Restart’ at the beginning
If you have fallen out of love with your partner, go back and court like you did when you first fell in love.
And...you will most likely fall in love.
So lets start digging into...
How we can ‘restart’ and overcome our marital problems
-Respect your partner
-Become each other’s best friend
-Take time to plan more activities with your partner
-Make the commitment to work on the relationship
-Always help each other
At the end of the day, what we women want from our husbands as Dr. Richard Furman puts it...
Is somebody who listens, is understanding, is confident in himself, has security in his job, is dependable, is an achiever, is aggressive but with humility and is trying to make the marriage better.
I wish to end by sharing a story about Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man in history to reach Mount Everest and his mountain guide, Tenzing.Tenzing managed to save Sir Edmund’s life by holding on tight to the rope that held both of them, from falling to their deaths. When interviewed later, Tenzing refused any special credit but explained it eloquently...
“Mountain climbers always help each other.”
Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we adopt this philosophy for our relationships? The world would have less marital problems!